If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize