I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
