Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
