Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
