I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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