Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
