I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
