Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
