he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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