my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Text me some of your sweat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
