You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
