i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
