he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize