I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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