we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
