Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
