Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
