They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
