Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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