Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
