it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
