you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He passed out mid-signature
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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