It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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