She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
