If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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