dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
