I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
