Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dick very happy bro
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
