He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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