Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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