Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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