Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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