dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize