Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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