Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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