I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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