My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize