Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
