Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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