Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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