you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
