One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
