Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
