Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My bed smells like the plague
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize