I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
