Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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