I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
