I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
