I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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