I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
