So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
