i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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