the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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