who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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