I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
