and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize