I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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