Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
