I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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