Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
