I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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