Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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