also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
