I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
