hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just pee around me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
