please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
