So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
