He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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