you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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