The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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