The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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