he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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