she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
