Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
